At the age of 13 I was introduced to pornography by accident. This chance encounter would forever change who I was at that moment and who I would one day become. It was the day that I pressed play on the VCR and the images that popped up on the screen would forever be embedded in my head. Little did I know that at that moment I was doing something I would do thousands of times over the next 21 years. The videos that I watched are what I got my sex education from and it is the same education that I would wind up ultimately bring into every one of my relationships.
Several years later I met my wife Darcy and continued bringing pornography into our relationship. During our time together I would even use pornography to coerce her into having sex with me. As our relationship progressed through marriage, careers, and children, pornography was a large influence in my life. During this time I became a very angry, selfish and out of control man.
On December 2nd, 2006 God showed me there was more to love. This happened at an unlikely church event called Porn & Pancakes hosted by XXXChurch.com. It was at this event that I surrendered everything to God. I had the men of the ministry and other people from my church pray over me. After the prayer was finished I knew what my next move needed to be. To tell my wife how bad my addiction had become.
During the entire drive home I was nervous, sweating and very unsettled about what might happen to me when I got there. It was weird but when I had walked in the house she looked at me and neither one of us said a word. I went and got my “stash” of pornography, started a fire, and threw everything in. We held each other as we watched the stuff burn.
After this my passion for helping others who also struggled with addiction to pornography grew. I knew God was leading me to help others. I contacted XXXChurch.com to find out how I could get involved. I began to speak at events just like the one where God showed me I needed to give everything to him. With each time I told my story more weight was lifted off of my shoulders.
It also allowed my wife and I to talk about what we were thinking during the time of my deepest addiction. One thing that killed me is when Darcy looked at me and said, “I am not afraid of you any more.” What did she mean by this? She was scared at nightime, getting ready for bed either very early or after I had gone to bed, just so that she would not have to get naked in front of me. She didn’t want to risk the chance of me wanting to have sex with her and then deal with me bugging her until she gave in. As a husband anytime your wife is scared of you it should make a difference in how you feel. I felt like I had let her down again.
The road to recovery has been anything but easy. In fact there have been many hours of talking, listening and even crying. Even though it was hard to walk through, it was ok because I knew Darcy was walking next to me. XXXChurch.com has helped me start the walk down the road to recovery. For this I will always be thankful. I have recieved blessings and now it is my turn to be a blessing.
At XXXChurch.com we provide support for those who are personally struggling with this issue, those affected by others struggles, and helping those who are in the adult industry get out. The current statistics out there can be overwhelming in regards to the viewing of pornography.
- Over 25% of all Internet searchs are pornographic related.
- 47% of families say that pornography is a problem in their household.
- The adult industry profits more that the NFL, NBA, MLB, & NHL combined.
- Over 40 Million people visit pornographic websites.
- 53% of men attending Promise Keepers viewed porn in the previous week.
- 72% are male consumers and 28% are female consumers.
- The #1 growing addiction among senior citizens is pornography.
If you are struggling with this make a change in your life and make this your first day of purity. Below are a few tips to help you get on your way.
Confession – Tell someone you are struggling with lust and sexual integrity. Grab someone you know or trust and tell them what you are going through. Keep this conversation open and honest getting everything out in the open. You cannot take a chance by leaving just a hint of this in the dark. This person can be a friend, pastor, church staff, counselor, or spouse.
Accountability – Without accountability there is no way to know whether or not someone is really successful in their recovery. PCs, Macs, and mobile devices allow for us to have way too much access to this material. You need to keep yourself accountable in this area. You can use software like X3 Watch to help provide this accountability. These types of programs will send reports to your accountability partners.
Purity Plan – When you have taken the last two steps you need to step back and look deep into your life and figure out why you turned to pornography in the first place. Is it stress, boredom, loneliness, past history, or something else? Break down your days and find the times that you usually act out. What is going on when this happens? Is there a pattern or common theme that comes up? Develop a plan that counter-acts these times and will stop you from acting out.